After having 2 boys, I questioned the doctor when he announced it because I couldn't believe it. I didn't care if I had another boy, but deep down inside I think I desired a daughter. God blessed me a million times over with this one.
That morning was followed by a long, loud, stressful, sleepless 9 months (did I mention long?). Abby cried morning, noon and night. She cried in the car, in her swing and in my arms. She cried long and hard. The boys even asked (begged and pleaded) if she could go back in my belly.
She gets upset when we tell the story but the ONLY quiet we got during those 9 (long) months was when her dad buckled her in her car seat or swing, put her in the dark, in the den, turned the music volume up to around 45 and played continuously changing psychedelic shapes on the computer screen in front of her face.
(Poor sweet baby was probably literally scared stiff and couldn't cry... couldn't even move...but ohhhhh, it was glorious silence.)
I typically don't like loud music, but I like it a whole lot better than crying baby. Our house shook as the 4 of us leisurely ate dinner around the table, had conversation, enjoyed each other like there was no music. Amazing what you can block out when you have little kids.
And then I blinked.
And now she's 12.
And beautiful. And sweet. And a good friend. And funny. And helpful. And sensitive. And humble. And compassionate. And fun to be around.
(And no, she's not all those things all the time. She's also almost a teenager a good deal of the time... but I wouldn't want to miss a day of it.)
Watching her grow and change is scary to me (as with the boys), but it's something I'm trying to embrace and enjoy every minute of.
When she's frustrated, I try to encourage.
When she giggles over boys, I try to giggle too (that one's hard because I'd rather move into a cave with her).
When she can't find anything to wear, I try to remind her that God sees her heart and she could wear a bag over her head and please Him (that one never works by the way... it usually ends up with her in tears because she can't find just the right outfit).
When she feels close to God, I rejoice with her.
She's finding her way.
There are times that are hard to watch and there are times I wish I could stop the clock and watch forever...
I love you. Happy Birthday, my girl. I have 2 wishes for you today.
First, I wish for you to always follow God to the best of your ability. Always put Him (and then others) first and keep your heart wide open to what He has for you. His way is ALWAYS best (even if it gets hard or you're the only one going in that direction).
And secondly, I wish for you to always know how loved and cherished you are. Always. You are beautiful... both inside and out. Tuck that truth away for those days when you feel otherwise because we both know they will come.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you do for me and others in our home. You are the VERY BEST big sister to Josh. He adores you completely. You often put everyone else first and that doesn't go unnoticed Abby... I see it. But, more importantly, God sees it.
I hope you have a fabulous 12th birthday. And if a gun makes you happy, then it makes me happy.