I wish...
I wish I didn't wish... how's that for confusing? What I mean by that is, when I wish for things to be different... or for things I don't have... I feel discontented. I want to be content in where God has me and, for the most part, I am. God wishes for me to be content... so I wish I didn't wish. Follow all of that?? lol
I am very content that Josh has Down Syndrome. I accept it fully and completely. I embrace it... and him... with all of my heart. Is it easy? No!
Most days are not even a little bit easy.
I wish that I could tell him to go put on his shoes and he would.
I wish I could tell him it's time to brush his teeth and he wouldn't run in the other direction, or clench so hard on the brush that the bristles get all stuck in his teeth.
I wish, when I pull up to the curb in the morning at school, he would give ONE kiss and exit the vehicle in a timely fashion.
I wish that he didn't say 'bad words' at school.
I wish that he could speak more clearly, especially when I don't have lots of time to figure things out.
I wish I knew how to discipline him in a way that I thought he might get it (even a little bit).
But most of all... I wish I had the patience to deal with all of it. Oh, there are SOME days when I'm able to laugh and just go with the flow. But, most days... it's not even a little bit easy.
So I pray. Someone once told me... don't pray for patience because you'll be given more trials to practice. Perhaps that's problem? Perhaps I have pleaded with God TOO often for patience to get thru the day? I think not...
I think I'm just a work in progress. I think God sends and withholds blessings and trials as He sees fit... because He knows best... not because He enjoys seeing me flail around like a fish out of water most days.
My not even a little bit easy days also cause me to be thankful... thankful that I AM a work in progress. Thankful that He has not left me nor forsaken me. Thankful that He is ever present and ever available to help... if I but trust Him.
This morning was like so many others... argue to get him to eat, argue to get him to get dressed, argue to brush teeth, argue to get into the truck then argue to get OUT of truck quickly because we were holding up the line at school. But when he did get out, he turned back, gave me the peace sign, pounded his chest with that peace sign and said "peace out... great day mom". I just sighed... and laughed... who does he think he is anyway?
It made the craziness of the morning seem worthwhile... almost.
Love,
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