October, 2011 Down Syndrome Awareness... Day 29

I'm sorry...

I wasn't going to post today because I think I'm plum out of things to say that are interesting. But my kids all informed me that I have almost made it... I HAVE to post today. :)

So as I was trying to think of something post-worthy, Josh did something naughty (I know you're all surprised, lol) He was put into 'time out' and told he couldn't get up until he said sorry to mommy.

He sat there for a long time. A very long time.

I gave him many chances, but he refused to apologize. Finally, while still staring at his shoes, he mouthed the word without any sound coming from his mouth. Then he progressed to a very low whisper, still not making eye contact... and we repeated this for a long time. A very long time.

Approximately 40 or so minutes later, he looked me in the eye, smiled big and said "I'm sorry mommy" with a BIG hug. And it was over.

Why does it take him so long? As I was thinking about this, trying to come up with a way to make it clear to him that just saying sorry makes your heart happy... I began to think about myself. And my relationship with God.

I don't always say sorry (especially spiritually) right away either.

Often times I realize I'm in the wrong and should say sorry (or stop my actions), but I don't. Not right away. I sorta just think about saying sorry (like Joshua mouthing the words). It's not true sorrow in my heart... it's just "well, I know I'm wrong but I'm not ready to stop ____ yet" (insert whatever it is you know you have to stop but aren't quite ready... could be arguing with your husband, spending too much money, losing patience with your kids... even throwing out too much food when you should be eating leftovers... and YES, those are ALL things I struggle with).

Then there the times when I say the words but don't mean them in my heart (like Joshua whispering the words). I try to turn my back on whatever it is I'm doing wrong, but I'm not all that serious about it, so it continues to happen. Perhaps not as often... but yeah... it continues.   Finally... I pray (as God for His help)... and apologize (or stop my actions). Then... and only then... does my heart smile. And it's over.

So today's post not really a story about Josh OR Down Syndrome, but it IS something God showed me THRU Josh. It's about repentance and forgiveness... both of which are so important in my life. I'm so thankful God has shown me that...

Today's picture is the one I used on our Thank You notes when Josh was born. It really doesn't have anything to do with today's post... but it DOES make my heart smile.